Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We need to rekindle our bromance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i think im in europe. pls send help
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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