At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
