I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
