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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
