I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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