An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
