Already got asked if we're dating
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
