Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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