So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
