Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
