I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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