12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
