carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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