I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
