Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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