My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
its liver damage thursday
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