how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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