Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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