I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
