mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
