You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize