Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
