Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
