ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
