i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
