We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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