Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize