I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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