Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
