its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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