They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
