I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
