he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
