bring money and cleavage
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
