So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize