ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
