Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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