i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had to cum in my sink.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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