He asked to "fluff my boner.."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
