Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
