Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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