He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
