they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
