This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
