Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I AM VODKA MAN
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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