I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
