Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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