How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
