dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize