The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
