ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize