just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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