I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So squirting runs in the family.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
