my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
