Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
