I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
