i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are we in a gay sports bar?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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