i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
