U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
