Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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