I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
