so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
