His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
